I think I am inherently lonely.
Or maybe, it's just the extra surge of female hormones that plague me just before I get my period. Whatever the case is, tonight I dwell in the darkest of my thoughts. No, I do not mean death. I just mean sorrow, and the inability to freely express it to another soul, to one that knows me, that is. I could write this down now knowing you all are anonymous. I am made ignorant of my audience and I take comfort in that.
My heart is mute when it comes to being honest about feelings, particularly when it comes to mine. I do not know why but I could not seem to truly open myself up. Do not get me wrong though, the friendship that I offer is sincere... But even with the closest of my friends, I could not say that I am sad. Or maybe I could. It is the "why" that I always fail to communicate.
Maybe because I myself do not know why.
If I try to put it into words, my kind of sorrow is the feeling of loss and uncertainty. I guess I could say that I am sad because I lost my dog. I guess I could say I am sad because I am not sure with the things I have chosen to do in my life. But even when I have written it, it feels there is so much more to it. So much more... It weighs down my soul.
I think I am lost in my own garden of gloom.